Celebrating a Year

week 95 ~ I must begin again

with 86 comments

I must begin again
working against my fear
in spite of our bargain
there’s no way back from here

working against my fear
it feels like a nightmare
there’s no way back from here
I wonder if I care

it feels like a nightmare
I don’t know what to do
I wonder if I care
what will become of you

I don’t know what to do
to set the future free
what will become of you
if I choose honesty

to set the future free
in spite of our bargain
if I choose honesty
I must begin again

Written by mairmusic

August 11, 2010 at 10:33 pm

86 Responses

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  1. wow,
    what a divine piece…
    fear has fear of humans,
    we are in charge,
    lovely way to show one’s sentiments and fears.
    I will place your link in,
    u give me a SURPRISE here.



    August 11, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    • Thanks, Jingle– I am happy to be back!


      August 11, 2010 at 11:07 pm

  2. Such a powerful poem, I loved loved loved the last stanza!!…Set the future free…this lingers with me…Happy Rally my friend, so nice to see you in!!! Hugs xx


    August 11, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    • A new form for me– the pantoum! What a crazy name! It is so cool the way the form laces the next-to-last and first verses together. Thanks for reading!


      August 11, 2010 at 11:20 pm

  3. I love how distraught/confused you sound in it, the difficulty of the choices within the poem are communicated very well. The emotion is powerfuul


    August 11, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    • Thanks! it’s a new form for me & it was fun to make the lines interweave, especially the last stanza.


      August 12, 2010 at 7:58 am

  4. Excellent repetition and rhymes. Really flows nicely.


    August 12, 2010 at 12:27 am

    • Thanks for reading!


      August 12, 2010 at 7:59 am

  5. The repetition and the questioning is so poignant. And honesty has to be the best policy – but that never makes it easy. Very touching post.


    August 12, 2010 at 1:07 am

    • thanks– i was interested to see how this ancient form magnified the intensity of the lines by repetition and recombination,


      August 12, 2010 at 8:01 am

  6. Chilling down my spine and yeah, fear is one big thing we have to overcome :P Thank for sharing, happy rally=D


    August 12, 2010 at 2:07 am

    • Thank YOU for reading! Interesting to experiments w/ this form.


      August 12, 2010 at 8:02 am

  7. oh woowwwww!!! I noticed the amazing pattern of repetition!!! GOSH !!! It was mind blowing, Marilynn!!! And how perfectly you have maintained the rhythm, meaning and feeling of the poem… STELLAR!!!
    May you face no fear ever!!! Phew! This was absolutely fantastic!!


    August 12, 2010 at 3:18 am

    • Thanks so much, Kavita! Cool how the repetition magnifies the meaning in this form– it’s my first one. The main challenge of poetic form, I find, is to hold onto the meaning, and the transformation necessary to poetry, and not just let the rhymes dominate.


      August 12, 2010 at 8:05 am

  8. choosing honesty is usually the best quite honestly…i do like the repitition…as many times a questions continues to surface again and again…


    August 12, 2010 at 8:32 am

    • Thanks, Brian– 1st time I’ve tried this form, but the repetition seems to add intensity.


      August 12, 2010 at 8:49 am

  9. This worked so well with the repetitions.


    August 12, 2010 at 10:22 am

    • thanks for reading– trying out a new form…


      August 12, 2010 at 10:55 am

  10. Hi thanks for popping by to look at my Pantoum! Mine was both traditional in that no end rhymes and informal in that I chose to vary the repeat lines. Here’s one that both rhymes and keeps the repeating pattern Formal Western Pantoum. Your poem very much uses the form in the way it works best as a lament and reflection

    Me a writer?

    August 12, 2010 at 10:35 am

    • thanks! It’s a new form to me. Is it traditional not to rhyme? I couldn’t tell from the info I read. but I could tell yours was one too.


      August 12, 2010 at 10:57 am

  11. An pantoum! Wonderful…perfectly polished. Love the sentiments. Thanks, Marilynn. Happy Rally!

    Jamie Dedes

    August 12, 2010 at 11:11 am

    • and to you as well!


      August 12, 2010 at 11:13 am

  12. fear holds us back in many aspects in life, but always honesty to oneself is important.


    August 12, 2010 at 11:13 am

    • thanks for reading!– I appreciate your visit


      August 12, 2010 at 11:15 am

  13. sounds like you’re standing at a crossroad in your life…?
    sometimes it’s not easy to begin again and leave things behind that gave us security for a long time – wish you all the best – and i liked how you wrote this – building it up with those repetitions..nice


    August 12, 2010 at 11:58 am

    • thanks! I’m enjoying how this form works, but, no– this is simply a reflection back on something that happened.


      August 12, 2010 at 12:36 pm

  14. hi mair…i wonder why you wish to begin again when you have come so far….perhaps the metaphor is deeper than you wish to reveal..a great wrote that worked well with the repetition..cheers Pete

    pete marshall

    August 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    • You are always one to glimpse the hidden– or unconscious– meaning. Actually the pantoum form forced some of this, but it is based on a distant past event that put me where I am, happily, today. So go to the head of the class again!


      August 12, 2010 at 3:30 pm

  15. great form!


    August 12, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    • new to me, and so far I’m liking it!


      August 12, 2010 at 3:31 pm

  16. Very moving. And a pantoum! One of my favorite forms. I like what you did with it.


    August 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    • Thanks! Like the villanelle it obsesses, but I think in a more modern way– odd to say, because it’s a form from the 15th century!


      August 12, 2010 at 3:32 pm

  17. I love your use of pantoum. Not easy to do well, & you have! – Bill


    August 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    • Thanks– it’s a fun puzzle to work out and still keep meaning central.


      August 12, 2010 at 3:33 pm

  18. So good! I really like how you circled the poem around using the repetitions.


    August 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    • Thanks– it was fun to figure out!


      August 12, 2010 at 3:33 pm

  19. it’s really hard to be repetitive without sounding cliche or overbearing but i actually enjoyed it, it thought you had really good balance =]


    August 12, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    • Ah, thanks! I appreciate you reading!


      August 12, 2010 at 4:21 pm

  20. Your poems always stir something deeply within my soul, a feeling, a fear remembered, a soulful place of how fragile our emotional world is.

    Truly communicates the sensitive heart of the poets soul.



    August 12, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    • Thanks so much– I appreciate your comments!


      August 12, 2010 at 5:08 pm

  21. Deep and poignant. Well done!


    August 12, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    • Thanks for visiting!


      August 12, 2010 at 6:51 pm

  22. Your poem mirrors the carousel of thoughts before a big decision, the fear, the repetition, the inner knowing and the regrets – I am no scholar of poetry, but I can relate to the mental conundrum.


    August 12, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    • Thanks! Yes, I thought the poetic form 9pantoum) caused this perfectly!


      August 12, 2010 at 6:52 pm

  23. This was completely phenomenal. There is a show of struggle yet realization in this piece. It can definitely relate to me and feeling the need to start over new, without looking back. Wonderful.



    August 12, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    • Thanks for reading, and for your comments!


      August 12, 2010 at 7:50 pm

  24. Very nice – I know this feeling in the context of my own life. Thank you for sharing. :)

    Shannon Warren

    August 12, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    • & thank YOU for reading & letting me know!


      August 12, 2010 at 8:38 pm

  25. going forward not looking back….we must keep going…bkm


    August 12, 2010 at 11:14 pm

  26. The construction of your poem was so very different from anything that I have ever read before. Honesty is the best policy however harsh or revealing it may be. And with honesty comes vulnerability, both can help transform you in welcomed and unwelcoming ways. Glad to read your new beginning lead to your happiness now.


    August 13, 2010 at 12:25 am

    • it’s a pantoum– a new form for me too– thanks for reading!


      August 13, 2010 at 7:32 am

  27. This on is poignant for me in it’s subject, it rings true to my heart. The form is fascinating, I must try a pantoum soon. Thanks again for a wonderful read, and a great lesson in poetry.


    August 13, 2010 at 1:35 am

    • As always, you are welcome & thanks for reading!


      August 13, 2010 at 7:32 am

  28. create, sustain, destroy…and begin again…the cycle of life…beautifully put :-)

    Amrita Ghosh

    August 13, 2010 at 2:25 am

    • Yes, I guess it pertains to the bigger picture as well.


      August 13, 2010 at 7:33 am

  29. A wonderful poem. The repetition is like a litany, to strengthen resolve to move forward. Very nicely written.


    August 13, 2010 at 2:59 am

  30. Such a lovely poem, I can relate to it. Thanks for putting it up.


    August 13, 2010 at 4:27 am

    • Thanks– interesting form!


      August 13, 2010 at 7:36 am

  31. Sounds like you made a deal with the devil himself…i hope you find your way


    August 13, 2010 at 8:10 am

    • close :-) but it was in the past, the new beginning was the right and necessary thing to do.


      August 13, 2010 at 8:26 am

  32. honesty is essence of life. beautiful poem. start it again if you think past should go. its never too late.


    August 13, 2010 at 10:47 am

    • and we all love a clean slate! thanks for reading!


      August 13, 2010 at 11:01 am

  33. this is a really cool poem.
    I really like reading it


    August 13, 2010 at 11:37 am

  34. What a hard choice to do.. but we have to fight for ourselves, I definitely choose honesty..
    Very heartfelt and honest, i enjoy reading it :)


    August 13, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    • thanks so much!


      August 13, 2010 at 7:10 pm

  35. Have never seen this pantoum form…very nicely done.Reminds me a it of the villainelle… love the line, I choose honesty…to me that is always best Thanks for sharing this new form with your readers. Heartspell


    August 13, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    • New one to me too! It was interesting to see the possibilities unfold as i repeated the lines. Thanks for reading!


      August 14, 2010 at 8:21 am

  36. What a resolution! A good begining is always not far off, just round the corner always!

    Ah sorry, I forgot to introduce myself.. I am


    August 14, 2010 at 8:52 am

    • Thanks for reading! I will visit your page soon.


      August 14, 2010 at 10:07 am

  37. amazing job this week…

    keep it up!


    August 15, 2010 at 11:17 am

    • Thanks Jingle! & for the award which I wil post soon!


      August 15, 2010 at 11:30 am

  38. I could hear this poem as a song the first time I read it… and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone write a pantoum! Very nice work!


    August 16, 2010 at 7:18 am

    • Thanks! It’s my first. i was looking around to see if there was a form somewhere between a triolet and a villanelle in length & complexity for these first lines and stumbled across this. Very interesting how it progressed because of the repetition!


      August 16, 2010 at 9:19 am

  39. fear is such a sneaky little bugger! I am always fighting is as well! Well done! and good luck!


    August 16, 2010 at 10:08 am

    • all is well, no fear :-)


      August 16, 2010 at 10:14 am

  40. deep….n beautiful poem:)


    August 16, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    • Thanks for reading & your comments!


      August 16, 2010 at 11:00 pm

  41. collecting your poem.


    August 18, 2010 at 11:13 am

    • Thanks, Jingle!


      August 18, 2010 at 4:24 pm

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