Celebrating a Year

week 68 ~ she was 13 eating potato chips

with 46 comments

she was 13 eating potato chips
at a party in Juárez Mexico
when they opened fire how can we know
such evil exists and sail past like ships
in the night pretending our lives matter
with soda cans and snack bags scattered in
pools of blood handprints on the wall to win
in this hellhole of life gone wrong what were
her chances the radio spews forth these
grim details I never asked to hear on
my way home 16 are dead young lives gone
while mine goes on to do with as I please
privileged by what capricious whim of fate
to live free from this violence this hate

Written by mairmusic

February 3, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Posted in February, sonnet

Tagged with

46 Responses

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  1. You are so right…these stories are too, too sad…heartwrenching and heartbreaking. But, somehow I feel that I could be a small voice that shines in truth on their lives to make it worth more than it was here in this world. Thanks for sharing…great sad piece. Heartspell

    heartspell

    August 12, 2010 at 11:53 am

    • I appreciate you reading & commenting! It does help the helplessness to write.

      mairmusic

      August 12, 2010 at 12:35 pm

  2. ouchy. Sonneting again, eh? A sonnet expert told me recently that a Shakespearean/English sonnet (with couplet) that uses a-b-b-a quatrains rather than a-b-a-b is sometimes referred to as a ‘Canadian sonnet’. Weird eh? Well, looks like we’ve both written at least one :)

    Spenserian I want to try…

    Warmest Salad

    Luke Prater

    September 27, 2010 at 9:59 am

    • never heard that. this is just the sonnet form I was taught in college writing courses: abba cddc for the first 8, and then for the last 6 either effe gg or efgefg. but now I just write. This one came out directly hearing a detailed account of this horrific event on NPR on my drive home from work last winter. I scribbled it on napkins at red lights. the sonnet is my main delight and I have written hundreds throughout my life, Just experiment with other rhymed forms here on the blog. So far the decima seems to be a new favorite.

      mairmusic

      September 27, 2010 at 11:01 am

      • I have to say that both those forms (one English, the other Italian… you have the Volta/turn (change intone or resolution) coming with the couplet in the English form, and after the octave (first eight lines, before the sestet) in the Italian form)… both you quote are atypical of the style. Typical Italian, as used most famously by Petrarch, goes abba abba (Volta/turn) cdecde
        English typically goes: abab cdcd efef (Volta/turn) gg
        With envelop quatrains as you employ (abba), it is atypical but used, and as I say referred to by some as a ‘Canadian Sonnet’. In it’s typical form it is Shakespearean. The Spenserian English Sonnet is different again and I believe only the Shakespearean (and Canadian variant) have the turn/Volta arriving with the couplet. Other English forms follow the Italians in bringing it in after eight lines/the octave.

        The Italian has three versions I know of, none of them yours! (the three vary in the sestet rhyme-scheme, more on that if u want). have never heard of the first and second quatrains not following the same rhyme (as occurs in the English), ie. abba abba is typical, rather than abba cddc.

        Oh my head hurts. Anyway you can browse the Wikipedia etc for all this kind of info. I guess anything goes, but for me the Volta/turn is so crucial. Let’s face it, it should really be in every poem/story/play etc etc. A decent story poem etc will always have a turning point. Even a haiku has one – the ‘cutting’ point at the end of the second line. Just that in sonnets it’s made formal and put in a very specific place.

        Luke Prater

        September 27, 2010 at 6:55 pm

      • My head hurts too! Life does not have to be so complicated, my friend. I suppose you are a scholar, or a grad student, so you want to get things right. Me, I just want to write. Maybe this will be the Mair variant :-) since I’ve written so many, but Shakespeare wrote like this and that is good enough for me. And really, I’d like you to read what I am writing about here. Love ya, Lukey, but you do get hung up on the formalities of form.

        mairmusic

        September 27, 2010 at 7:04 pm

      • Now my head hurts too, you guys! :-)
        Poem on …

        Jamie Dedes

        September 28, 2010 at 9:41 am

      • Yeah, all the tech talk– albeit 17th century tech!

        mairmusic

        September 28, 2010 at 6:55 pm

  3. compelling message,
    sadness is everywhere,
    love your style.

    Jingle

    September 27, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    • Thanks– a sad image, but one we need to bear witness to.

      mairmusic

      September 27, 2010 at 5:52 pm

  4. These kind of horrible things break my heart. Sad but beautifully written.

    suzicate

    September 27, 2010 at 4:03 pm

  5. Ah, Mair, there you go again, touching our souls with your words. See? That’s what poetry is all about.

    almondjoycie

    September 27, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    • Thanks, my friend. I don’t usually get this specific in my poems, but this one almost wrote itself. A tragic mistake in a revenge killing.

      mairmusic

      September 27, 2010 at 5:54 pm

  6. Heartbreaking and so very sad…we all could be part of the bigger picture by spreading the word…which you have done here!! Awesome and thanks for sharing this Ms M xx

    buttercup600

    September 27, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    • You are welcome. I just think it is unbelievably sad, and I wish the world would stop looking the other way.

      mairmusic

      September 27, 2010 at 6:07 pm

  7. Very sad. Reading your words, I can tell that we are the lucky lot to have been un- affected.
    You have done a sonnet.. wow, in those terms I am not even around.. much less write.. I am so honored to be associated with you..
    A wonderous Thanks for putting in the definitions at the side.. Loads of wishes and Love
    xox

    Olivia

    September 27, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    • So glad you read and commented. it’s kind of an honoring of the victims I think.

      mairmusic

      September 27, 2010 at 6:33 pm

  8. so mournful
    and beautiful…

    GJK

    September 27, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    • … and so under-reported. I wish this was front page headlines when it happened, it is so wrong!

      mairmusic

      September 27, 2010 at 8:18 pm

  9. I teared up reading this. Powerful, emotional. You made me feel.

    Love the absence of punctuation so that your words just flow.

    “capricious whim of fate” —Wow!

    Amazingly done!

    thoughtsnotlost

    September 27, 2010 at 8:31 pm

  10. So sorrowful so eyeopening thanks for sharing!

    amanda

    September 27, 2010 at 8:43 pm

  11. I can feel the sorrow and sadness flowed within the poem, wonderfully written that make the heart sweat in sadness :)

    RiikaInfinityy 마왕

    September 27, 2010 at 9:20 pm

  12. great write on this incident…..horrific with what answer??? …no one seems to have one…bkm

    signed .............bkm

    September 27, 2010 at 9:38 pm

  13. So tragic. Too many useless deaths. Very well expressed.

    liv2write2day

    September 27, 2010 at 10:41 pm

  14. Marilyn

    This would make a beautiful -albeit sad and disturbing song, like the folk singers or Joan Baez style of messages that were abound in the 50-60-70’s. A powerful and beautifully written poem.

    We are the people who look on — while watching the media… while it is absurd to feel guilty for having a nice life, — it is at the same time important in each of our own way to help those live a ‘better’ life in what ever way we can to help alleviate suffering to all sentient beings. Each day and every moment of our small lives we get the opportunity to do so, and many let it slip through their hands.

    Cheers,
    Joanny

    joanny

    September 28, 2010 at 12:08 am

    • What a beautiful sentiment! Thanks so much for writing back to me!

      mairmusic

      September 28, 2010 at 7:09 pm

  15. heartfelt works !! great job

    Sina Saberi : The Blog

    September 28, 2010 at 3:20 am

  16. Well said; the simple everyday details point out the senselessness of violence like this.

    Christine

    September 28, 2010 at 9:21 am

    • Thanks. That’s what got me about the news story, the simple descriptions of a little teen party interrupted by such violence.

      mairmusic

      September 28, 2010 at 6:57 pm

  17. Marilynn, this is just perfect … not just the structure … but the sentiment. I am always disturbed that there is so much suffering, so much violence, so much injustice, and we just move through life taking ours for granted and owning a certain sense of privilege in it all. That’s the place where ultimately a lot of my work comes from. Hey, we are all in this together … Kudos! Brava! Well done …a poem can speak more loudly than a shot-gun.

    Jamie Dedes

    September 28, 2010 at 9:44 am

    • Don’t know how loudly it is speaking, but I am thankful to the potluck that it is being read finally.

      mairmusic

      September 28, 2010 at 6:54 pm

  18. omg this is revolting! how can people do things like that? i never understood violence… and i never will. thanks for sharing this with us, marilyn.

    Medieval Mist

    PinkLady

    September 28, 2010 at 10:02 am

  19. So sad that such events happen, hard to believe that there are people in this world who have no regard for life. Very sad, but powerful message. Thank you for sharing such deep pain.

    deadpoet88

    September 29, 2010 at 3:58 am

  20. Happy Weekend…

    Glad to have you share your words of wisdom with us…
    Cheers.

    Jingle

    September 30, 2010 at 9:14 pm

  21. […] mairmusic | February 25, 2011 at 6:26 am | Reply This is a sonnet I wanted to cry from the heights, the injustice was so overwhelming, the loss of life so pointless. The drug lords went to the wrong house. The children were celebrating a birthday. So sad. https://mairmusic.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/week-68/ […]

  22. how can people do it? how can they be so vicious and heartless?

    trisha

    February 25, 2011 at 10:46 am


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